Last updated:
Sunday, July 4, 2004 5:13 PM

Author(s) unknown.  Submitted by Bruce "Doc" Melson

1.  If the enemy is in range, so are you
2.  Incoming fire has the right of way
3.  Automatic weapons  -  aren't
4.  Suppressive fire  --  doesn't
5.  Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire
6.  There is always a way
7.  When in doubt, empty the magazine
8.  Teamwork is essential. It gives them someone else to shoot at
9.  No combat unit ever passed inspection
10. The easy way is always mined
11.  Beer Math:  two beers times 37 men equals 49 cases
12.  Things that must be together to work usually can't be shipped
13.  Radios will fail as soon as you desperately need fire support
14.  Anything you do can get you shot, including doing nothing

15.  Tracers work both ways
16.  Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo
17.  Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous
18.  The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
             a)  when you are ready for them
             b)  when you're not ready for them
19.  If you can't remember, the Claymore IS pointed at you
20.  The important things are always simple
21.  The simple things are always hard
22.  The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack
23.  A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down
24.  If your attack is going well you have walked into an ambush
25.  Never draw fire. it irritates everyone around you
26.  Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able
       to get out
27.  Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself
28.  All 5-second grenade fuses will burn out in 3
19.  If you are short of everything except the enemy, you are in a
       combat zone
30.  When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy
31.  Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder
32.  If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have
33.  When both sides are convinced that they are about to lose, they are
       both right
34.  Professionals are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs
35.  Murphy was a "grunt"

The Image of Rank

(I found this among my memorabilia - it was obviously written by an NCO! I do not know
the author, but believe I first saw it while stationed with 22nd FASCOM at Ft. Lee, Va in 1968. Webmaster)

GENERAL: Leaps tall buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water, and gives policy to God.

COLONEL: Leaps short buildings with a single bound, is more powerful than a switch engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if the sea is calm, and talks to God

Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable wind, is almost as powerful as a switch engine, is faster than a speeding B-B, walks on water in an indoor swimming pool, and talks to God "if a special request is approved".

MAJOR: Barely clears Quonset Huts, loses tug-of-war with locomotives two out of three times, swims well, and is occasionally addressed by God.

CAPTAIN: Makes high marks when trying to leap buildings, is run over by locomotives, can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury, and talks to animals.

FIRST LIEUTENANT: Runs into buildings, recognizes locomotives two out of three times, is not issued ammunition, can stay afloat if properly instructed, and talks to water.

SECOND LIEUTENANT: Falls over doorsills when trying to enter buildings, says "Look, a choo-choo", wets himself with a water pistol, and mumbles to himself.

NCO: Lifts buildings and then walks under them, kicks locomotives off the track, catches speeding bullets in his teeth and chews them, and freezes water with a single glance. HE IS GOD!!




NDSM (National Defense Service Ribbon)